Fear Setting and Fear Conquering
A few of my favorite excerpts from Tools of Titans.
I can go on about the relationship we have with fear, but I’ll start here. Honestly, I use to be a afraid of a lot. Flying, talking to strangers, sticking out in crowds, dressing “funky". However, over the years, and after a quick little jump out of a plane, I started to realize any fear in our mind is all made up. That’s right, not even real!
To remind me of these crazy, but life changing mentalities I always have a book by my desk, by my bed or in my car. I always find myself with a few minutes that I crave me time and when I do that I find my 10 lb Tim Ferris Book to pick me up and push me outside my comfort zone.
The book I am referring to is called Tools of Titans by Tim Ferris . It might look intimidating being the size it is, however it’s not a book you need to read in one sitting. It’s one of those books where you can open to any page, read a chapter and instantly feel inspired.
In the latest section of the book I stumbled upon a conversation he has covering fear. It reminded me of the importance of facing fears, being okay with the feeling of fear, and remembering it isn’t actually what we all think it is - in fact it is exciting and thrilling.
Let’s start here. I’m sure there are a number of things on your list during your week that you tend to avoid. You get anxious, you are scared and you put it on the end of your to do list. Before you know it, it’s on the next week’s list, the following and the following again. You never asked the girl or guy out you always wanted to, the never submitted the resume for the job you always wanted, and I’m sure the list goes on.
Here are a few of my favorite pieces of this section where he points out facing and settling fear:
What are you putting off out of fear?
Usually what we fear doing is what we sometimes need to do most. It is something you may be dreading, putting off for days and eventually you feel overwhelmed by the thought of it. It is fear of the unknown outcomes that prevents us from doing what we want to do. Let’s face it - The majority of us never take that leap of faith because we are afraid to fail and for things to not go our own way. But! What if we measured our life’s success by the number of uncomfortable conversations we have? The number of uncomfortable moments in our day? Challenge yourself to do just that. Resolve to do one thing every day that you fear and I guarantee you’ll feel 10x taller than you did before. As a result, the fear you face will be exciting and you will look forward to overcoming what comes your way.
Define your Nightmare
“Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action.” - Benjamin Disraeli
Most people will choose unhappiness over uncertainty. We crave things that are familiar and the reason why is because we crave safety, however we also have this other urge where we seek out things that are novel. We seek out novelty for potential reward. It’s quite contradictory.
So how do you find balance? And how do we move towards that uncertainty? Here’s where you start - accept the worst case scenario. There is a reason why you are scared and this reason is usually made up of built up false beliefs. Keep in mind FEAR - False Evidence Appearing Real. Write down or talk about the worst case scenario. Map out what could potentially go wrong and accept it. You will also start to see, quickly, what you think could go wrong is probably a little bit more crazy on paper and not at all realistic. You must also accept that you may fail and something may not be perfect. Become OKAY with the idea, because when you accept it you become ready with taking the next step. I’m not saying focus on everything bad that is going to happen, but become okay with the worst case scenario and if it doesn’t go perfectly you will be okay and understand why.
We’ll touch on this again in the future, but for now here is a little food for thought. Times are going to be tough and you can even give up and let those fears eat you alive, or you can face them head on and make your way to top of the mountain. Keep climbing and choose to hit new heights.
And ladies… remember this: A lot of people would say 'sexy' is about the body. But remember, 'sexy' is a person with confidence. A women with little fear is admired. Go be fearless.